那不是鬼压床,是我在想你

 3.16

题图 / Laura Makabresku

幽灵(献给音乐人“Burial”)

“一个统计学家会说:在数以百万计的幽灵传说里,需要百分之几的故事是真的,才能说明幽灵存在?答案是:只需要一个故事是真的。”

 —Burial

你可以把你的所有投在一个人身上。这个人让你感到求生不能,求死不得。每个人都可以进入良夜,而我只想消失,我想不为人知。一场风暴将要降临。极乐被锁在一个小瓶子里……我曾经身处群山中,周围杳无人迹。我曾经被人从家里带走。很多事情看起来是错的,冰冷的事物,糟糕的事物。你做决定的重量感。你已经看到过那些火焰。有什么人在世界的另一头感到不安。它就像被碟仙操纵的盘子,它是……魔鬼眼中的自己,这种感觉就像有个幽灵在触摸你,就像寻找黑夜另一边的升降梯上的一个人,即使你用尽全力去看,你也看不见任何东西。我爱雨,我爱避难所。沙漠,树林,人们。我只想成为一个你独处时可以听到的符号。你脑子里的什么人。每个人都知道这种感觉。当你没有地方可以去,撕破一栋空的建筑,你刚才所在的位置仍然留在你的视网膜上。如果你试图说起它,它似乎已经无影无踪。

作者 / [美] 艾米莉·贝里

Ghosts (Homage to Burial)

“A statistician would say: of all the millions of ghost stories ever told, what percentage would have to be true for ghosts to exist? The answer is that only one story would have to be true.”

 —Burial

You can invest everything in someone. This one feeling chopping you up. Anyone can go into the night. I just want to be gone. I want to be unknown. There’s a storm coming. Euphoria trapped in a vial…I was once in these mountains, the middle of nowhere. I used to get taken away. A lot of things were wrong, cold things,bad things. The weight of the decisions in you. You’d see these fires. Someone upset on the other side of the world. It’s like a Ouija board, it’s…the devil’s face in their eyes, that feeling like a ghost touched you, like finding a body in a lift shaft on the other side of the night, even if you fight to see it, you’ll never see anything. I love rain, safe haven. Deserts, forests, people. I just want to be a symbol you alone could hear. Someone in your head. Everyone knows those sorts of feelings. When there’s nowhere to go, tearing through an empty building, the image of where you just were still on your retina. If you talk about it, it just sort of disappears.

Emily Beery

就像很多美国当代诗歌一样,《幽灵》这首诗写得有点过于散漫。我不知道这是一种特殊的艺术效果,还是因为东一句西一句更容易把一首诗写出来?如果是前一种,似乎可以说身处在爱情旋涡中的人头脑都不太清楚,所以表达也晕晕乎乎;如果是后一种,我也能理解——写出来总比写不出来好。

如果你能够穿过浓密、摇摆的语言的枝叶,看到这首诗的核心,你会感到被深深震撼,甚至“细思恐极”。诗中的“我”绝望地爱着一个人,甚至并不想让那个人在意识中明确知道。她希望自己的爱能够通过某种科学上还不能理解的机理而潜入那个人的脑中,成为真正地“幽灵”。这似乎有点过于相信意念的作用,使人想起同样有些一厢情愿的“念念不忘,必有回响”。

然而,谁又能完全否定这样的存在呢?或许,你经历的“鬼压床”,真的是因为另一个人正在痴情地想着你呢……

荐诗 / 光诸
2020/03/16

 

第2564夜

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