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题图 / Holly Warburton

性

真的很难做出这个决定

当这个房间如此狭小和明亮，
而屋外是如此巨大和深邃。
但我从未教会自己
躺在大地上，
感受它的伟大和我的渺小。
同时我情不自禁地跟随天空
当它掠过头顶的时候用目光追逐，
我情不自禁地闭上眼睛，
想像小舟载我到那湖心
黑暗如云朵之间的缝隙。
我忘记了自己曾经学会
如何把持住自己
不致坠下感官的悬崖，
当不久前我抓住孩子的小手
教她玩拍手游戏；
当我站在滚烫的风暴面前
没有在它的诱惑中犯下大错
避免了粉身碎骨的命运。
经历了这一切，我们仍然有着爱和食物，
这世上并没有人绝对孤单。
看我为何创造了这个空间，
我是床上的一块石头，柔软地倚着边沿
是我让那黑毯子更美丽
让那床单变成苍白而又华丽的素描，
在这里没有什么能够完全包裹住我
总有些身体部位暴露在外面
它们理解如何与欢乐握手
当我抱紧尖叫的她。
隔壁房间的地漏在流水
墙壁上闪耀着世界在夜晚所做的事。
在这个小时里我们的存在感让人难以忍受
我就像得了重感冒
上一次如此病重我还是个小女孩
无比喜欢在地板上睡觉，喜欢靠近沉静的大地。
一动不动地，那小舟，那黑色的水
拥抱着秘不示人的深度。
它从未想要把我带到任何地方。
它让风儿等待在树梢。

作者 / [美国] 克里丝汀·戈奈
翻译 / 光诸

Sex

It is hard to make this choice
when the room is so small and bright,
and the outside big and deep.
But I have not taught myself
to lie on the earth and feel
how much greater it is than me.
And I can’t help following the sky
with my eyes as it moves past me,
and I can’t help closing my eyes to imagine
the boat that carries me to the middle
of a lake as dark as the gaps between the clouds.
I forget everything I have learned
about how to hold myself
at the last edges of sensation
when not so long ago I held
the small hands of a child
and taught her to play a clapping game,
when I stood before a storm of scalding water
that would have killed me
if I gave it the mistake it looked for.
After all this time, we still must love and eat,
and none of us is alone.
See why I create these places where I am a stone.
In the bed, soft against the side
where I make the dark blanket more beautiful
and the sheet a pale and magnificent drawing,
there is nowhere to wrap the part of myself
that understands the handshake of  joy
in my arms and hold her while she cries.
The sink is running in the next room
and the walls are flashed with what the world does at night.
Too much of us is evident in this hour
and I am sick with a cold fever
that hasn’t broken since I was a girl
who loved how good it was to sleep
on the floor, so near to the silent ground.
Still, the boat, and the dark water
that has its private depth.
It never tries to carry me anywhere.
It makes the wind wait in the trees.

CHRISTINE GOSNAY

大家好，周一的小yellow诗又和大家见面了！

和以往的很多类似作品一样，今天的介绍的诗有点“语无伦次”，可以说是用一种语感来模拟激情时刻的心理感觉。但是和多数此类作品不同，今天的诗似乎具有“女同”因素，考虑到题目中那个“性”，不知这个因素对理解这首诗到底起到多大作用。

就我个人的理解，“女同”因素在这首诗里并非不可替换的。诗中所写的“危险”和“情难自禁”在异性恋中也一样存在。真正让这首诗与众不同的是它的结尾。主人公感到病重，同时又感到平静，这是一种什么样的感情？

当人感冒的时候，身体感受到病毒的大量繁殖，起动应急机制，每一个细胞都不能置身事外，真正动心的爱情也是如此。而“平静”则有些让人害怕——似乎大错已经犯下，反而不再惴惴不安；又或许，烈火烧尽了一切的虚饰，真正的内在自我在赤裸的肉体之中显现。它有些残酷，却又是迷人的，这种迷人和残酷密不可分。

荐诗 / 光诸
2019/11/26

第2453夜