渣男鉴别指南

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题图 / Julien Pacaud

女孩长成女人需要知道的事

鉴于你很难知道
你身体的哪部分在发号施令,
请不要随便和年轻男人纠缠
如果他们做了下面的任何事情:

想要冲过路上每一个黄灯,
念念有辞“这又咋的”,“看什么看?”
一天这样做七次以上,
或者从来不理会停车场上的黄线。

问你和其他人约会干些什么;
车上有限速雷达探测器;
保险杠上有超过七张贴纸;
早上啤酒晚上威士忌。

电台节目锁定脱口秀;
吃午饭时打手机;
从来不系安全带;
知识丰富超过上帝。

想要你改变头发的颜色;
在一次性纸杯里吐痰;
转弯从来不打转向灯;
对你的化妆横挑鼻子竖挑眼。

对你的父母直呼其名;
对你不抽烟感到莫名其妙;
指甲盖底下有泥土;
把对你的威胁说成开玩笑。

转动方向盘把一条蛇轧死;
着急让你跟他再来一次;
张口“你妈”闭口“我操”;
握手绵软就像骨头没有长好;
坐在饭桌前还戴着帽子;
昏昏沉沉就像没睡好觉。

对于没有通过测试的男人
你会很快知道是个什么情况;
把他们立刻从你的名单中划去,
对其他人也要小心为上。

作者 / [美国] 米勒·威廉姆斯
翻译 / 光诸

For a Girl I Know about to Be a Woman

Because you’ll find how hard it can be
to tell which part of your body sings,
you never should dally with any young man
who does any one of the following things:

tries to beat all the yellow lights;
says, “Big deal!” or “So what?”
more than seven times a day;
ignores yellow lines in a parking lot;

carries a radar detector;
asks what you did with another date;
has more than seven bumper stickers;
drinks beer early and whiskey late;

talks on a cellular phone at lunch;
tunes to radio talk shows;
doesn’t fasten his seat belt;
knows more than God knows;

wants you to change how you do your hair;
spits in a polystyrene cup;
doesn’t use his turn signal;
wants you to change your makeup;

calls your parents their given names;
doesn’t know why you don’t smoke;
has dirt under his fingernails;
makes a threat and calls it a joke;

pushes to get you to have one more;
seems to have trouble staying awake;
says “dago” and “wop” and words like that;
swerves a car to hit a snake;
sits at a table wearing a hat;
has a boneless handshake.

You’re going to know soon enough
the ones who fail this little test.
Mark them off your list at once
and be very careful of all the rest.

BY MILLER WILLIAMS

今天这首诗相当活泼有趣,可能也有一定的实用性。它的作者米勒·威廉姆斯(1930–2015)是美国当代著名诗人,曾经为1997年克林顿第二次总统就职典礼撰写诗歌。威廉姆斯主张把日常生活经验和口语用在诗歌中,《女孩长成女人需要知道的事》这首诗就是很典型的例子。

这首诗欢脱,很有趣,除此之外呢?当然你可以从中听取长辈的教导,但我并不是很推荐这样的解读。第一,听人说教总是很扫兴的事情,第二,其实听了也没用——因为你很难知道,你身体的哪部分在发号施令。

更有趣的解读方式是把这首诗看作一个人性白描小集子,透过简约的线条看看背后的人生故事。危险驾驶、不讲卫生、说话粗俗,不顾及他人感受从一件件小事中体现出来,给未来的亲密关系埋下隐患。但是我有两个地方不太明白,万能的留言,你能给我解答吗?

“保险杠上有超过七张贴纸”,“电台节目锁定脱口秀”,这两点到底有什么不好,让女青年们应当敬而远之呢?

荐诗 / 光诸​

第3018夜

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